What Does it Mean? (slam poetry by yours truly)

What does it mean when someone touches you and you can barely breath because the electricity in their touch is almost unbearable?
When they touch you and it's all you can think of for days?
What does it mean when you want to take care of someone and give them everything you have in you?
What does it mean when you can't form words around them?
What does it mean when they look at you that one way and you can't look back because it's to much?
When you feel safe around them?
When you trust them?
Is it lust?
Is it love?
Is it idolatry?
Is it stupid of me to want what I know I can't have?
Am I in love with an idea?
Am I just a stupid little girl?
It's all of these things.
But I've cultivated my love before and I can do it again.
I can prune it to death.
I can lock it behind a brick wall and throw away the key.
I can cut it down until its close to nonexistence.
I'll do this for my own good.
I'll live like this because I am afraid of my families judgment and condemnation.
I'll live like this because society would think I am sick lost, disturbed, I need therapy.
no.
I just know what I want.
I'm just to scared, brainwashed, pressured and conditioned to take it.
So I can do it.
I must do it.